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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I Would NEVER Have Survived "127 Hours'

Blogger is being a little bitch and not allowing me to upload any pictures. So in your minds eye...or just on Google images...find a picture of the poster for the movie 127 Hours starring (the delicious) James Franco and imagine I started this post with it.

I recently watched 127 Hours alone. I'm going to be honest, I only watched it for Franco. I ate lots of biltong and made hungry lion noises while watching it. It made me very thirsty. The movie as well as the biltong.
Now you have the back story.

127 Hours is a true story following Aron Ralston's grueling battle to survive after he falls into a canyon whilst hiking in Utah. His right hand gets trapped by a boulder that fell in after him. After 127 hours of dehydration, freezing temperatures, slowly losing his mind and drinking his own wee (I'm sure he watched a lot of Bear Grylls) he finally makes the decision to break his own arm before sawing his fore arm off with a blunt knife.

Here is a brief timeline of Aron's time between a rock and a hard place:

hour 1: panic a little, shout for help

hour 5: make the level minded decision to ration food and water supplies

hours 12-24: use multi-tool to chip away at rock in hopes of freeing hand

hours 24-48: continue chipping, film video diary telling family you love them

hours 48-72: day dream about ex lover, start going delusional

hours 72-127: drink own urine, repeat, hack own arm off

Now I have said numerous times, that I am not a survivor. I am a giver-upper. Now, after watching 127 Hours... I am 100% sure that I am in fact a giver-upper.

Here is a brief timeline of how I would have handled my 127 hours trapped between a rock and a hard place:

hour 1: panic. shout for help. cry. ugly cry. shout. bang head on rock. vomit

hour 1,5: comfort eat all food. shout for help.

hour 2: wash tears off face with half of water (looking ugly). shout violently for help. include swear words.

hours 3-5: make video diary of self crying. shout passionately for help for effect.

hours 5-6: delete video diary of self crying (looks ugly) and record love diary to family and boyfriend. little shouts and soft weeping for purpose of video.

hour 7: wee. don't keep it for drinking. drink last of water in stead. shout for help with renewed vigour.

hours 8-17: figure out how multi tool works

hours 17-24: still can't figure multi-tool out. throw multi-tool away in fit of rage. cry till nose bleeds.

hours 24-127: wait for death

The moral of the story: Don't go hiking.

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