There are LOTS of queues
There is only one entrance and one exit and 20 000 people using it, which means that getting in on Thursday is probably going to take some time. Everyone at Oppikoppi is there to have a good time, so relax and make a few friends while you wait to get in. In terms of bathrooms and bars, forward thinking is key. If you wait until you're desperate for the loo or half dehydrated you are going to have a very bad time standing in line.
On that note, allow time to get out on Sunday. It could take you two to three hours to get out of Oppikoppi on Sunday and another 2 to get to Joburg. If you've got a plane to catch, allow ample time.
You're probably going to lose your tent
Mordor (aka general camping area) is like a maize. A maze filled with moving cars and drunk people. And at night it's even worse. Try to find a landmark to associate with your camp site and mark it on your phone with that rad Cuervo app.
If you're going to meet your festival soulmate, do it on the first night
The chances of finding someone clean and hygienic on the second or even third night is pretty unlikely/impossible. Showering is a real mission and many give up in favour of embracing the Oppikoppi musk. If all else fails, keep wet wipes on you at all times.
There are no street lights
The camping area is dark. And a maize (see above). It is advisable to bring a torch/headlamp.
Visit the potjie hippies
I literally look forward to this every year. There is a couple of middle-aged hippies who are always at Oppikoppi, serving up feverish displays of public lovemaking and giant pots of the most delicious potjie you'll ever taste. Be sure to find them and (once you've got their attention) sample their fare.
Pace yourself
It's no good arriving on Thursday and throwing back 6 tequilas before diving head first into a pool of beer and then violently attacking any and all beverages to cross your path before missing the last day of the festival because the mere thought of life outside your tent is enough to make your liver claw its way out of your body and throw itself off the Koppi. Don't ask me how I know this.
People will definitely hang on you/shout Oppikoppi loudly at your head/follow you around asking where their tent is in Afrikaans
Everyone is there to have the best time of their life. The vibe at Oppikoppi is incredibly jovial and friendly and getting upset with these festival goers is only going to sour your own experience. Just laugh and shout "Oppikoppi" and say "waar is jou maaikies?" before making your merry way back to the stage.
Once you're in, you're in
This is not your Southern Suburbs Matric dance pre-drinks party. Cars park anywhere and everyone with wild abandon and complete disregard for normal parkin etiquette. Any plans to "pop to town" for a spot of cash or to use the loo at the Northam KFC should be written on your stomach and forgotten about.
Bring more clothes than you think you need
You think you only need one shirt per day and one warm item. But you don't know heat/cold/heat/dust like this. I once threw away a white t-shirt and an entire pair of shoes after just one day at Oppikoppi. Imagine how you'd look with no shirt and no shoes? You'd look cold.
Bring enough cigarettes
I don't personally smoke, but I have spent enough time with irate nicotine slaves to know that the cigarette vendors close early and frequently run out of stock. Please, for the sake of your friendships with fellow smokers and non-smokers alike, bring enough cigarettes to keep a steady flow of toxins running through your veins. A wild cigarette chase isn't anyone's idea of festive.
Paint your nails
Black. Or darker. Dirt, dust, trash, alcohol, other people's skin...these are just a few of the things that could get stuck under your finger nails. You don't want to see that stuff. Paint over it and deal with it later.
That's it, then. See you there!
LOL @ the nail polish tip! My first time this year, super excited, slightly petrified :/
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