Then the class started. And for the first few minutes I concentrated hard on looking the part. But once we started getting into the more complicated poses, I was forced to abandon my act and actually focus on what I was doing. "Breathe, deeper, even deeper, pull in your belly button, tuck in your tail bone, now lift your left leg and wrap it around your right ear, breathe deeper." It was so much more intense than what I had imagined. And I was relieved to see that everyone else was concentrating just as hard as I was. No-one was looking around at the new people and smiling condescendingly Everyone was concentrating on their own, internal downward facing dog.
As soon as the class was over I went back to trying to look as cool and relaxed and vegan as everyone else. I literally could not get out of there fast enough. But aside from my personal insecurities, I felt great. My body felt like I'd really worked it. My muscles felt tired. And my mind felt a bit clearer. And I couldn't wait for the next class.
I went back the next day and again the next. And that's when I tried Bikram. "Try Bikram", they said. Well, I tried it. I was sweating before the class had even started, which is the aim of the game so I felt like I was doing well. The room was pretty dark and very steamy. I focused super hard on the breathing and the arms and the legs and the bending and the belly button and the tail bone and the breathing...man, I really struggle with the breathing. I think I have small lungs. So I concentrated on these things and tried to think about the heat.
About 45 minutes in, I started to feel bad. That's not true. I probably started to feel bad about 6 minutes in. But by the 45th minute I was like, I-can't-breathe-and-why-is-my-head-throbbing-and-I-am-definitely-going-to-vomit, bad. My heart was beating in my ears and I literally wanted to run to the door and stick my face in the little stream of fresh air that gets in under it. Actually, what I really wanted was to escape. But we were under strict instructions not to leave under any circumstances. My guess is because then no one would ever not leave.
So I lay in a pool of my own sweat and closed my eyes and imagined escape routes for when I vomited. It was pretty embarrassing. And as lay there, I decided to try again. Because besides for the mortification and waves of extreme nausea, I actually felt good. Like, really good. Like I was on my way to being a flexible, thin, strong, vegan. Or something.
When I need inspiration, I'm just going to look at this video that Emma sent me.
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