If I had to describe Roxanne in five words I would say she is caring, a career girl, hilarious, beautiful and smart. The sixth word would be lazy/unhelpful. Also, uncomfortable with nudity. But I love her none the less. Roxanne says some of the most amazing things my little ears have ever heard. And the best part is that she doesn't even know how funny they are. So I've started documenting them on Twitter as #RoxanneQuotes. These are my favourites:
"Sometimes when I'm bored, I think of things I could do to my friends to make them more beautiful"
"You guys HAVE TO enjoy dinner with our unique range of salts"
"My boyfriend buys everything in Feta flavour"
"You know how your skin goes to like, a cooked pork smell in summer? But like, in a sexy way?"
"Who is Helen Keller?"
"You wouldn't know a falsetto if it bit you on the nose"
"Nats you need to exfoliate your shoulders"
"There's not one thing you can do about a bad body shape. A bad face is worse, but a bad shape is the second worst"
"The worst part of my day is locking doors"
"Today's a good day for you. I mean in the looks department"
"Natalie you have to make SURE that you are photographed by one of the photographers there"
"You HAVE to stop Tweeting the vain things I say to you - rather Tweet the stuff I say about helping the needy
"With my looks and your personality we will be welcomed at every party door!"
"Rather invest that money in a sunbed"
"Is it okay to have fudge for breakfast?"
"I look far too beautiful to be helping my brother move house"
"I don't think you've ever experienced my extremely strong hands before"
"When he's living with us he's going to be a paragon of health"
"No no no this is my special way home"
"My favourite fruit to eat is bananas"
"I think that what I've realized is that alcohol makes me happy"
"It actually startled me- her hideousness"
"Oh, guess what I found out...rice doesn't have gluten"
"I say so many things"
"The Queen... Is she dead, by the way?"
"Come sit here let me tell you about all the work I did today"
"I don't understand what this cowboy music is about" - Roxanne on Mumford and Sons
"Why aren't you my mom's Facebook friend?! You must add my mom and I must add your mom"
"I really hate chopping"
"Whenever I don't know where you are I stalk your timeline. I am a controlling husband"
Follow Roxanne because she is incredible.